Violence is not always the answer.

But it sure can feel like it is.

Before I delve deeper into my semi-rant--Sorry for being so inconsistent with my posts! It's not exactly something I'm good at; I just write when there's something worth writing about. Why waste your time with forced topics of conversation?

Anyways, back on track.

High school is so troublesome. Things that could and should be handled with sensibility and maturity--that would be done so in reality--are blown out of proportions. Keep going with me here, people, I have a point.

There's a girl I know in class that doesn't like me. We'll call her...Jeannie. She doesn't just "not like me", she outright loathes me, and sways others to feel dislike towards me as well. It seems as if by becoming friends with her, you're also agreeing to break any sort of strong friendship you have with me. We were best friends at one point. Well, until I noticed that she's a monster.

Now normally this wouldn't be as upsetting as it is, but I've lost two good friends to her. These suspicions became reality last night, and it hits hard. It's as if all of my efforts to create this great friendship have gone to waste. Nearly four years, wasted.

It seems as if the smart solution to my problems would be to fight her. I've played out this idealistic scene in my head a few times:

Jordan (myself) walks up to Jeannie. She is sitting with some of her cronies and probably discussing something petty or how much they hate so-and-so.

Jordan: Jeannie.

Jeannie averts her eyes, continuing her conversation, ignoring Jordan.

Jordan: You can't even look me in the eye. You're a coward!

Jeannie says something here. The words coming out of her mouth are meaningless and unimportant, so I'm going to assume it's something that doesn't make any sense and is intended to hurt my feelings.

Jordan: You're a baby. The only way for you to realise how much you've damaged those around you is if you fight me.

Jeannie criticizes the idea, or says something along those lines. Or something meant to insult me. Likely a mix of the two.

Jordan stares down Jeannie until she is pushed to fight.

The two fight, I win, I get all of my friends back. Later we head to the malt shop and the scene ends with group laughter.

...Okay. Totally unrealistic. But the fight? It could happen.

Sometimes I think "This is so unfair! She's not smart, not pretty, and not nice, but she always wins!" Then I remember that after high school, she won't matter to hardly anyone I know now. She's set herself up to go down the road of failure, and it's a road she'll travel alone.

At least, that's what helps me sleep easy.

Lately.

I can't come up with a lot of material to make up a sufficiently sized post, so...here you go.

Lately I've been fairly contented. Uncannily even. I've gotten used to having these periods of good times, only to have them brought down by a screw-up on my part. Or some sort of big time let down. But really, I think I'll be fine.

Better stuff tomorrow, promise!

I try to keep a notebook on person, just in case I am struck with desire to write.

Does that ever happen to you? I went to Target (I should go more in-depth with my affinity for that store) and picked up a black, Moleskine knock-off--I'd rather not pay an extra ten dollars for a name--with a black, paper quilted exterior. The paper was slightly tinted yellow and gridded, not lined. For some reason, I prefer to write certain things on graph paper. But I digress.

I was sick of scrambling for scraps of paper. Old, fading receipts, envelopes with jagged, opened edges, in the margins of notes, on the back of grade assignments. If I was lucky, I could remember them long enough to find a notebook of some sorts to keep my words in--or even better, I would keep them in my head. More often then not, luck was not on my side, and chances are that I forget these fleeting phrases not long after they strike me.

So logically, I bought some small notebooks to keep in my purse, locker, wherever. (I made sure to buy quite a few, as I'm pretty forgetful and tend to misplace my things now and again) On the way to and from class, for instance, I'll be hit with something. For some bizarre reason, I'll just have the insatiable urge to write things down. Sometimes they don't make sense. Sometimes I am pleased with my results.

I think that having a little book to jot thoughts in is quite handy. One of the best decisions I've made.

Infrequency and Etcetera

It seems that the people that take their blogs seriously update regularly. Not like I don't want to take this blog seriously, it's just that, well..

Is there truly ever something noteworthy that happens every single day of your life? Sometimes you have to pay homage to the mundane, to the every day normalcy of the moment. Sure, I could always dramatize and decorate the (rather boring) truth, but I'd rather document something more eventful or worth pondering. Just a thought.

On that note, I'll be putting up a real post later on this week.

A Taste of...Something.

I visited a college today. The overall experience was sort of amazing.

I never really put that much thought into my future plans. Up to now, there was only a handful of things of which I was certain: I'll going to college, obtain a four-year degree, and start my career as an advertising copywriter.

But you know what? If there's anything I learned from touring the campus today, it's that I should get my feet wet. Explore past the realm of what I used to know, and progress forward into unknown lands. I need to explore. That's the thing, though. I'm deathly afraid of change.

In these past four years of school, I've slowly morphed into a version of me that I'm altogether comfortable with. But if there's anything I've learned from television and teenage movies, it's that this time will ultimately end. In only months' time, I'll finish writing this chapter of my life. Heck, I might as well be finishing up this whole little novella of my life, move on to the meat of my future (Note to self, come up with less corny alternatives to swearing). All in all, I don't want to lose myself in the past, present, or future. And I know that the only one that can do so is myself.

Adventures

I don't usually go out with my friends on weekends. I'm not a very social person--or is it just that I don't get invited to be with social people?

Anyhow. I was sitting in the parking lot of the mall, waiting for my mother and younger brother to come back so we could go home and go on with our usual, bland lives. And then an idea struck me. I spontaneously assembled a group consisting of my best friend, and two other guys from school that I never really knew well. I ended up having a very memorable night, and found that I really could relate to these guys. Real bro material.

I've been thinking a lot. As my senior year progresses, I become more and more aware of my future. I realise that I may not see the people I'm forming these bonds with after May. Life has hit me in the face, and it left a bruise. If I leave it alone, it will heal. But if I pester and prod the mark, it pains me. The analogy extends to my thoughts about Tomorrow. The more I ponder, the more I am bothered.

Life up to now:

Name: Jordan.
Occupation: High school senior.
Location: Lost.

It was about six months ago that I started--or should I say, forgot about--writing in this blog. And it was about six minutes ago that I realised that I shouldn't have ever stopped. I find solace in my writing, even when the words escape me.

Especially when words escape me.

I'd like to think my words will take me places. This past summer, they took me to Arkansas Governor's School. I hope by next summer that these words of mine can take me to college. But I'd like to know where I could go with this.